So today I had a very bad day where I threw some jokes in the class but the person that I threw the jokes at, couldn't seem to accept it. She was crying so bad that it made me felt like the shittiest person ever. Like....why am I still breathing tho? The thoughts came across right after she cried because of me. It wasn't a big thing, really. I wasn't trying to be a bully. I was just joking about her height and maybe it was too harsh for her and yeah....it was somehow my fault, too. Told my best friend about this incident and she said "to conclude, don't you ever joke about someone's appearance/physical as it can get sensitive to that particular person". It somehow awakens me. Maybe I really did not mean it but then it was a sensitive thing to the kid. I had already said sorry to her and I left the situation by walking alone, along with guilt surrounded in me.
I CAN'T STAY STILL UP UNTIL NOW!!! It feels like I've done something worst than killing people using a sharp knife. Or maybe I did....I killed her by saying something sharper than a blade or knife and it went right through her heart and I somehow ripped her heart into pieces. I don't feel like going to the class tomorrow. Yep, that's it. I'm going to give a rest to my mind for a day. Skipping class for tomorrow (hope i'll get better by then). I don't feel like living anymore. I don't feel like going out to see anyone that I know. What have you done, dearest self?
I somehow feels that I really don't fit here, in this place, in this course, in this circle of people. There are some people that I can really get along with, but there are also that I can't. Life is all about making choices and I feel that I made a wrong choice by stepping into that particular circle of people that can't take joke, as a joke. We all are growing up bigger and wiser, so do as what life gives you. Think wiser and don't take silly jokes as something worth to think for. There's more to life than holding onto that kind of situation as it won't help you in any kind of situation.
I'm trying to be as optimistic as I can, cause that's all that I can do now. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason and I should always be positive upon bad things that happen to me. That's how life actually works. May we always live in peace :)
