So today I had a very bad day where I threw some jokes in the class but the person that I threw the jokes at, couldn't seem to accept it. She was crying so bad that it made me felt like the shittiest person ever. Like....why am I still breathing tho? The thoughts came across right after she cried because of me. It wasn't a big thing, really. I wasn't trying to be a bully. I was just joking about her height and maybe it was too harsh for her and yeah....it was somehow my fault, too. Told my best friend about this incident and she said "to conclude, don't you ever joke about someone's appearance/physical as it can get sensitive to that particular person". It somehow awakens me. Maybe I really did not mean it but then it was a sensitive thing to the kid. I had already said sorry to her and I left the situation by walking alone, along with guilt surrounded in me.
I CAN'T STAY STILL UP UNTIL NOW!!! It feels like I've done something worst than killing people using a sharp knife. Or maybe I did....I killed her by saying something sharper than a blade or knife and it went right through her heart and I somehow ripped her heart into pieces. I don't feel like going to the class tomorrow. Yep, that's it. I'm going to give a rest to my mind for a day. Skipping class for tomorrow (hope i'll get better by then). I don't feel like living anymore. I don't feel like going out to see anyone that I know. What have you done, dearest self?
I somehow feels that I really don't fit here, in this place, in this course, in this circle of people. There are some people that I can really get along with, but there are also that I can't. Life is all about making choices and I feel that I made a wrong choice by stepping into that particular circle of people that can't take joke, as a joke. We all are growing up bigger and wiser, so do as what life gives you. Think wiser and don't take silly jokes as something worth to think for. There's more to life than holding onto that kind of situation as it won't help you in any kind of situation.
I'm trying to be as optimistic as I can, cause that's all that I can do now. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason and I should always be positive upon bad things that happen to me. That's how life actually works. May we always live in peace :)
District 21
So I went to district 21 in IOI mall, putrajaya with my colleagues. It was indeed, a good extreme place and of course, in a shopping mall. It was weird tho cause i thought there would be a lot of people coming there which i saw in review orang kata tempat ni best and it is worth every single penny. But maybe because we went on weekday kot cuz that place ended up with just us, as the customers at the end of the day hahaha!
It was fun tho! Seriously, extremely, extreme! Ada satu ni called as sky-thrill, i guess? Oh, this one! I ALMOST DIE IN SCARE. There were like 22 obstacles kalau tak silap and there were also few short cuts just in case if you are not too brave to try the other obstacles. And of course, I took the short cut! Hahaha it was funny tho cause i thought that i could pass all the obstacles without thinking of how hard those things were. Susah gila ok kalau tak ada confident tu, ha ni la tempat paling sesuai nak gain your confidence. Obstacles dia semua really challenging and you have to figure yourself out on how to pass each obstacle.
The thing that really disappointed me, there was no one to help even if you don't know on how to pass the obstacle. Which means, the staffs were not quite friendly la. Most of them ada yang friendly and ada yang tak. The time when we were on the sky-thrill, we couldn't figure out on how to pass this certain obstacle and we were just waiting for help but there was no one to help us. Then came a staff and she scolded us to go pass je benda tu. I was like.......excuse me kalau kitaorang had the guts and no problem at all, we would already pass this thing? Why would you be mad to us? Firstly, we don't have the guts to pass through sebab tempat tu tinggi and we felt not safe and takut gila. Secondly, we didn't know how to pass it. So, to the staffs, please kindly guide your customers. It's not like they've been there every single day like you guys do. Of course la the first time we've been there, then guide la. Isn't that what they company pay you for? Ugh.
Oh, it is RM58 for each person and it is a day pass which you can go out to have lunch or some snacks and then masuk balik pun boleh. You can go solat zohor and then masuk balik main pun takpe. The glove and a pair of socks pun included so no worries.
They both tried the free fall and i of course, did not. Even tengok je pun dah rasa goosebumps ish memang tak lah nak buat macam bungee jumping tu. I swear to god it looked like they were committing suicide sebab just jatuh bodoh bodoh macam tu je hahaha!
This thing macam ala ala maze runner tu la. Sorry to say tapi siapa yang gemuk tu nak datang sini, kuruskan badan dulu. The maze was really small even I, myself, struggled to the end xD
Then we had our lunch at boat noodle and had my fav chai-yen! <3
We went back in and tried the rock climbing. Tengok dalam tv nampak macam senang je lahai. Bila dah try sendiri, even my hands couldn't cling on too long. Susah tau! Then ada macam ala ala jump street tu, the trampoline tu. Kitaorg je yang melompat dekat situ sebab memang tak ada orang hahaha best gila! So rasa nak melompat tu, tak payah pergi jump street semata mata. Datang sini pun boleh melompat xD
We got home and everyone was so tired. It was indeed, a good day. Yea, worth every penny of mine. Thank you Sassy and Jo for this day! :)
19
So it is my birthday today on the 12th of April, 2016. But yesterday I had a splendid time with my housemates thus celebrated 2 person in a day. We went to Bandar Baru Uda in JB and we had fun! Though something did happen unexpectedly, we were still enjoying it yesterday. It was indeed a good time! :)
My beloved 2nd semester housemates! Much love for them! <3
We bought a "bouquet" of balloons and as soon as we reached the restaurant, few of the balloons flew away and we couldn't do anything to save them.
My most annoying housemate! But I spend most of my time with her xD <3
Alhamdulillah, 19 :)
Sushi crave!!
It was one of a hectic week for this semester. Had calculus test, reading quiz and stuffs. The subjects for this semester are killers, serial killers! Can't wait to know what will happen for the next semester :')))
So my housemates and I were so craving for sushi and we went like "weh jom makan sushi nak" and then the reactions were the same "OMG JOM WEH CRAVING GILA" ok guys we really make it the strong bonds between us muahahaha. We had planned like a week ago but we were all so busy with test(s) and quiz(zes) so yea we held up to today.
WE FINALLY GOT OUR SUSHISSSSS!!!! KIMBAPSSSS AND EVERYTHING NICE OMG!!! ok chill ika, chill. So we went to sutra mall in skudai. Ordered what we had been craving for years!! (lol over) and then we ate like there was no tomorrow. People eat to live, but then again, we live to eat xD
So my housemates and I were so craving for sushi and we went like "weh jom makan sushi nak" and then the reactions were the same "OMG JOM WEH CRAVING GILA" ok guys we really make it the strong bonds between us muahahaha. We had planned like a week ago but we were all so busy with test(s) and quiz(zes) so yea we held up to today.
WE FINALLY GOT OUR SUSHISSSSS!!!! KIMBAPSSSS AND EVERYTHING NICE OMG!!! ok chill ika, chill. So we went to sutra mall in skudai. Ordered what we had been craving for years!! (lol over) and then we ate like there was no tomorrow. People eat to live, but then again, we live to eat xD
& we went to boat noodle for the extremely delicious chai-yen and the noodle itself.
It was indeed, a good food day! :p
Lost Star
A star that is lost in the galaxy.
Wandering everywhere in the galaxy without knowing the reason why.
Trying to light up the dark by my own.
Not realizing that I was too small to light up the whole galaxy.
Standing by my own without having any other stars around.
People think I am beautiful because of the shines that appeared.
It is good to make people happy because of you.
Well at least I tried my best to make others happy.
Even by standing on my own.
blind
Every question has an answer if you figure it out.
You know a person means something to you if his/her name has emoji in your contact.
You know he means something to you when you always look for him before he does.
You know he means the world when you find him every second of your life.
You know he means something when he is wrong but you still looks him as if he's doing it right.
You know he means the world when you're the one who says the word sorry first.
I put his heart first before mine and always, ended up feeling so hurt inside. Why am I acting this way? Is it because I love him so much? I trust word so easily and he takes it for granted. Chances after chances, he is still the same as before. Is it my fault for being so faithful or is it his fault for being a jerk? The truth remains unknown.
Thoughts
*playing let it go - james bay x ed sheeran*
Why did such things happen to me? Why? I've been asking the same question all over again to myself. What did i do wrong? Is there any way that i can do to have him back? No? Okay then. (i should actually do a lab report now but nah) I am so sad to think that I was not good enough to him that he left me for someone else. Am I that bad? Another thing, it is so sad to think that you can do nothing other than stalking him and watching him from far far away. Deeeeeeeep down in my heart, I still have him in it. Came to a point where I think I could never get rid of him. He was the person whom I put so much efforts and time into. It all had burnt like a paper was burnt by flame. Gone, but never forgotten. Sad me is sad.
Misery
I don't even know what i don't know :c /sigh/ my life is now in a misery where i feel like giving up on everything that i'm doing right now. Everything seems so wrong right now. I can't focus my study and i don't even know what am i studying -_- I had a long day today; class till 5pm and i have test tomorrow which i haven't studied anything yet. /playing oceans by coldplay/ /crying for the melody/ /sigh/ what should i do? I just had a test yesterday and i'm going to have another one tomorrow. There are so many assignments to be submitted within these few weeks and i am not strong enough to face all of these in a time. Been crying in the shower for nothing because i'm so in misery. Feeling so stressed out but i couldn't figure out why am i acting like this. I feel like giving up on myself, slowly giving up on everything. The studies are getting harder, of course, and i'm too stupid to take a test or quiz or anything. Even though I had study for that one particular subject before the class starts, I still could't understand what the lecturer is teaching about. /sigh/ I need a short vacation or road trip with friends, seriously. And then i saw this quotes on twitter/instagram (i can't remember) it somehow relates to my situation right. But it's not all of the problem. Its just one of it.
"To be honest, i often feel lonely. Is that bad? I mean, sure I have all my friends and family who dearly love me and all but sometimes, I just feel like I want more than that you know. I want to have a deeper relationship with somebody. It's crazy to think about really, if you ask me. I can't help but feel terrible. Sometimes I even find myself get jealous with my friends who have relationships. I ask myself, "what the hell is wrong with you?" Maybe i just really yearn for that kind of romantic affection. I keep looking for that person i can be sweet and cute with. It's stupid, i know. I even feel stupid. But what the heck. I'm only human. I'm allowed to feel these things, right?"
So yea, still trying to figure out what's going on with me and what i'm having on my mind right now. Just gotta study now because i have a test tomorrow. Till then.
"To be honest, i often feel lonely. Is that bad? I mean, sure I have all my friends and family who dearly love me and all but sometimes, I just feel like I want more than that you know. I want to have a deeper relationship with somebody. It's crazy to think about really, if you ask me. I can't help but feel terrible. Sometimes I even find myself get jealous with my friends who have relationships. I ask myself, "what the hell is wrong with you?" Maybe i just really yearn for that kind of romantic affection. I keep looking for that person i can be sweet and cute with. It's stupid, i know. I even feel stupid. But what the heck. I'm only human. I'm allowed to feel these things, right?"
So yea, still trying to figure out what's going on with me and what i'm having on my mind right now. Just gotta study now because i have a test tomorrow. Till then.
Let go & let God
I just had my calculus test this evening. It was bad, really. Can't think of anything right now :( I was about to give up to this course, but then yea a successful person of course, has its ups and downs along the way. Positively thinking, i still can improve in the future and i hope so.
So yea, the picture says it all. What i'm going to write today is about a story of a guy who once made my life happy. But i couldn't go any further with him. You guys might say that i'm a pathetic girl, talking about love and guys all the way in the blog but yea, this is my blog and you can't do anything about that xD You know, when you feel like there is no one there, (well there is, actually) and then you just have your own blog where you can write all of your thoughts together, well it somehow relieves me. I can let it all out here, at least.
Here's how the story goes like; this guy, i had a relationship with him for like, one and a half year? Can't really remember. It was like 3 years ago. I don't like calling him as my ex boyfriend you know like, he's not my ex, he's just not the right guy, he's just not my fate, and whats not. So yea this guy was like the most special amongst the rest. I spent a lot of time putting a lot of patience in myself for the sake of this guy and yea we broke up in like, the nicest way for a couple to break up lol. We are still contacting each other now, but not too often. But, we contact as if we are friends, really, normal friends. Flashbacks? Yep, we do that sometimes. Not making it too obvious, because i am afraid if there might be silent readers among my friends, i'd be dead for sure lol.
He said that he would wait for me cause he knows that I worth his waits. But that was 3 years ago, a long time ago. I am not very sure of what is his feeling right now, but i hope the words are still in his mind. Not hoping too much, but i'm pretty sure that he's a one hell loyal guy. Ever since we broke up, he never had any other girl after me.(well it was base on what i saw on ig, twitter and etc.) That made me think of the words he once spoke to me and it sounds like what most of the guy would say, he loves me the most and etc. We tried a few times to like, get along together, again but he was too afraid that the mistakes he once did, would repeat again and again. In other words, he didn't want me to get sick of him and hate him even more than before. As a girl, who doesn't want to be back in a relationship with the guy that you put most efforts and time into? Yes, I would of course, want him back in my arms, even if it is for the second time. Slowly, we are now putting back the broken hearts together and hoping for a better future. Not hoping too much from him, but if he's my fate, never in a million years would it be for someone else, right? Have faith, dear self.
I am too sleepy to proceed more about this guy because i got class at 8am tomorrow and it is 1am now!! Gotta hit the sack now, Assalamualaikum :)
The end
Never thought of how that single line could give a really big impact on me. Ouch, it hurts, really :( And yes, there's a story behind that single line.
So i had to let go of everything you know, like every single thing. (holding on my tears) I don't know macam nak menyesal ke tak actually. But yea, nak menyesal pun macam dah tak ada guna. (i am playing it girl by jason derulo) (holding on tears again) ahhhhhhhhhhhh it really is, hard to let go of everything. You know, when a person gave you so much memories and then yes of course, you guys did spend most of the time together. Bertenang ok dear self, gwenchana gwenchana (wiping off my tears)
Heart breaks after another. It'll heal, soon. Can someone tell me how do i delete all the memories in my phone? *cries* 80% of my photos were the pictures of us ahahahaha yes. But then, i had to delete all the pictures because i'm a person who always goes through the photo gallery for nothing, really. So i deleted 700+ photos of us. It was hard *cries again* but then, i didn't delete our conversation on whats app and imessage haha! Like, sama je kan? My friends semua macam marah tau sebab they can guess that i will look through the conv again and again. Eh biar la! hahaha. It takes time, really.
He's happy now with someone else and i hope nothing but the best for both of them. (aww so sweet of me) At first, mula macam nak dendam tau macam eh kau tak sayang aku dah ke macam eh perempuan tu apa lebihnya dari aku macam eh aku sepuluh juta kali ganda lagi lawa kot and whats not. Anyhow anyway, macam tak ada guna je nak keep all of those thoughts in mind. Dunia ni kan ibarat roda, sooner or later, the same thing will happen to us jugak kan. So yea, then i let go la all of the thoughts. I macam, takpe la doakan je la terbaik for both of them. I, myself also have the pros and cons. Maybe she has something that i don't have. Maybe she's nicer than me maybe this maybe that. So, I, as a matured girl, (not a woman yet ok) i let go of everything. Who knows, if Allah swt nak tunjuk something yang kita tak nampak ke kan. I macam, dia dah bahagia pun so macam nak dengki pun, dia dah ada someone. I? I tunggu je la anyone nak masuk line haha sounds so pathetic! I am not that pathetic ok. So yeah, that was a bit of my thought. I don't know to tell who so i decided to let out everything in the blog. Esok ada test calculus, adios!
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